Books by Liz Wilde -
£6.99
Published by Ryland, Peters & Small 2005 priced £6.99
ISBN 1841728608 BUY
CHAPTER 1
GETTING STARTED
WHY DATING LOTS OF MEN CAN ONLY BE A GOOD THING...
* You get to see who you’re attracted to.
If you’re constantly going for guys that remind you of your
past (failed) relationships, take this as an opportunity to do a
little soul searching. You may love men who are passionate about
their work, but remember how it used to drive you crazy when your
ex phoned the office every five minutes while you were on holiday?
Dating lots of guys lets you discover patterns in your attraction
and whether they’re working for or against you. What if you
try dating the opposite of who you’ve been attracted to for
a while just to see what you’ve been missing?
* You get to be a great date.
If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. As with everything,
the more you do it, the better you get. Dating lots of men will
help you learn how to behave on a date and most importantly, how
to feel comfortable with someone new. Many of us go to pieces when
sat opposite someone we’re attracted to, but practice makes
perfect...
* You get to see you’re not alone.
When you start dating regularly you’ll see how many other
singles are out there wanting a relationship - and how great it
feels to be attractive to the opposite sex!
* You get to go out more.
When you date, you get to do nice things you may not find time for
in your busy life. You go to restaurants, watch films, listen to
bands and generally (hopefully) get treated better than you would
if you were out with a friend. And even if this man’s not
the one for you, he may make a good friend. If you approach dating
as a way to meet new people and form new relationships, rather than
the relationship, you’ll take the pressure off and enjoy the
experience so much more.
UPDATE YOUR DATING MINDSET
All the dates in the world won’t find you the right guy if
you don’t have the right attitude.
1 Give the guy a chance
Many of us think that if it’s true love we’ll know the
instant we meet someone. But that’s not love, it’s sexual
chemistry. There’s many factors that contribute to a great
relationship and it’s impossible to evaluate them all in the
first five minutes. So relax, ignore his velcro fastening trainers
and get to know the guy. You can always take him shoe shopping on
your third date.
2 Lust is not always love
And talking of sexual chemistry, that amphetamine-like high is not
necessarily love but nature’s way of bonding you during the
early stages of a relationship. So enjoy the hormone rush but don’t
make any rash decisions (mortgage, marriage, meeting his mother),
until your body has calmed down a little.
3 You have more than one soul mate
If you’ve just come out of a relationship, it’s tempting
to think you’ve already met your one true love. Not true.
The world population is well over six billion, so believing there’s
only one mate for you among all that lot is ignoring a hell of a
lot of possibilities.
4 Your past doesn’t have to be your future
So you’ve had failed relationships? So has every other single
person. What’s important is to learn from your mistakes so
you don’t repeat them. If you constantly go for losers, look
at your self esteem. You can’t expect anyone else to treat
you well if you always come last on your own list. Write down a
list of all your strengths and read it every day. Finish something
you’ve always wanted to (a degree, a marathon, a relationship),
and face a big fear - it’s the biggest self esteem booster
of all!
5 Don’t waste your time on lost causes.
Whether you’re hankering after an ex-boyfriend, or someone
who’s not available/not interested, no new date will ever
match up to the fantasy in your head of how wonderful your life
could be if you were with him. Remember, if he doesn’t want
to be with you then he’s hardly your perfect man, and who
wants a relationship in their head when they can have a living,
breathing (spending) one? Getting out there is a decision you need
to make. How much longer are you going to put your life on hold
for this guy?
6 Stop searching for Mr Perfect
There’s no such thing as the perfect person (are you?), so
if that’s who you’re holding out for you’ll be
in for a long wait. Instead, decide on the things that are important
to you (humour, kindness, fresh breath) and be willing to compromise
on the others. This isn’t about lowing your standards, it’s
just accepting that even Brad Pitt would have the odd annoying habit
once you got to know him.
7 Be who you want to attract
We attract people and situations according to how we’re thinking
and feeling, so if you truly believe there’s no good men out
there, you’re more likely to attract guys who reinforce that
belief. Instead, work on improving your outlook on life. No one
wants to date a moaner, and guess what? If you spend your time complaining
about your job, friends and family, you’ll automatically attract
a partner who thinks exactly the same way. Not exactly a barrel
of laughs. And what’s the rush? If you can hear your biological
clock ticking, then chances are so can he!
8 Don’t see every man as marriage material
The best way to enjoy dating is to look at it as a chance to widen
your social life, rather than regarding every man as your potential
one. If you see it as an opportunity to spend a nice evening out
talking to someone new then you’re far more likely to relax
and enjoy yourself. Remember, the way to win is to make it OK to
lose.
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A
Girl's Guide to Dating