URGENT! Life coach needed

When your world's out of kilter it can be tricky to get back on track. You could ask your friends and family for advice, but sometimes it's worth investing in a little professional help

What is a life coach?

A life coach helps you to make choices rather than unconscious decisions, so you cause what happens to you rather than doing what others think you should. Many people feel stuck and want to move on with their lives, but aren't sure where to start - a life coach can help you to discover exactly what will bring you the most happiness and satisfaction. Then you can work together to achieve it. Liz Wilde is an experienced life coach with clients all over the world and is a member of the International Coach Federation. She has written nine books and contributed to many radio and TV shows, magazines and newspapers.

The wheel of life

This is a tool used by life coaches to check if your life is in balance. Using the centre as zero and the outer ring as 10 you mark the satisfaction within that area, with 10 being the most satisfied. After drawing a line in each section, there will be a new wobbly perimeter that gives a visual cross section of your own highs and lows. Liz studied the wheels of two NOW readers, then had an hour-long consultation with both to go over the results. But you can do this without an expert. Fill in your own circle to see which parts of your life need attention.

"Money just seems to slip through my fingers"

Elizabeth Somerville, 24, is a researcher from Reading. She's feeling dissatisfied at work and compensates by overspending.

The consultation. Liz Wilde says: `Elizabeth confessed that she was shocking with money, so I sent her a spending plan to fill out so she could see exactly where her money was going. She's planning to buy a flat with her brother but has an overdraft, so she knows she has to sort out her weakness for clothes, shoes and handbags. `I asked her how it would feel to have a place of her own and her voice changed as she described how great it would be. I suggested she remember this feeling every time she was tempted to shop
- to weigh up this buzz with the fleeting high of buying another pair of stilettoes. `Before making any more luxury purchases, Elizabeth should ask herself whether such purchases will significantly improve her life over the next six months. If the answer's no, she should try to leave things on the shelf. `Elizabeth's other concern is her career. She took a job as a research executive in a telecoms firm almost a year ago, but originally saw it as temporary and now feels quite frustrated. I asked her what work she's passionate about - Elizabeth didn't hesitate to say research in the psychology and social field. She got really excited just talking about it. `Elizabeth has done nothing about finding a new job, though - she's worried her CV doesn't look focused enough. Making this kind of assumption is a way people hold themselves back from doing something that could make them happier. She assumes she won't have the right experience without trying to find out if this is true. Elizabeth should look at the relevant job pages in newspapers and websites once a week.'

Elizabeth's verdict`I wasn't sure what to expect, but was keen to have an outsider's view on my life plans - or rather lack of them! I was probably aware of much of what Liz said, but she did manage to motivate me into action. `My focus right now is on looking for a house, so I wasn't intending to look for a new job just yet. As it happens, just after my chat with Liz I was promoted at work. I think this will be good for my career and should give me greater job satisfaction. Liz helped me to understand that I should work towards making myself happy and worry less about time scales I set myself. `With regard to money, the spending plan will help me to be more frugal - seeing it all in print was the reality check that I needed. I do intend to buy less and think more! `Luckily I have a really close relationship with my family and friends (I gave those sections a nine),which definitely makes up for my cash flow and career worries.

"Past rejections have ruined my self-esteem"

Jade Roodt, 32, is a marketing officer for radio station Heart 106.2 and lives in Blackheath, London. She struggles with poor self-confidence and body image.

The consultation. Liz Wilde says: `Jade confessed that while she pretends to be confident, underneath it all she feels overweight and not very attractive. She linked this feeling back to when she came to London six years ago as a dancer and couldn't get work. This rejection has stayed with her and although she loves to dance she's never actually got round to taking classes again. `I suggested that she might be avoiding dancing because she associates it with negative experiences from her past. If she can see dance as something she does for her own pleasure - rather than to make a living - she can start to enjoy it again. `Jade wants to lose weight and has renewed her membership at the gym, but hasn't been yet. It turns out that the exercise she enjoys most is dance, yoga and Pilates. I asked Jade to commit to doing a class each weekend and one during the week. `She's also stuck in a bad food/good food guilt rut, so I suggested letting her body tell her what foods made her feel good. For a month Jade should keep a food diary and, 45 minutes to an hour after eating, rate each food from one to 10 depending on how it made her feel. A rating of one means being unable to move off the sofa and 10 is feeling full of energy. Once she knows which foods make her feel fabulous, she can eat to improve her mood and energy levels. These high-energy foods will also help her lose weight.'

Jade's verdict `Liz brought up quite a few issues from my past and one major thing was the rejection I used to feel when I was a dancer. Being turned down at auditions was hard and when I gave up dancing I felt that my self-confidence was low. `Liz made me realise how much I do miss dancing. So I intend to start some dance classes again, as she suggested. I think this will make me a lot more confident as it was always a passion of mine. I'm going to aim to see more exhibitions and visit flea markets, galleries and some nice tourist spots to treat myself. My mates and I have booked a weekend away to Wales and I'm determined to see Scotland. `I'm also going to think about the good things in life a little more - I'm really happy with my job and I have a great social life and circle of friends!'

(c) Liz Wilde 2004    Back to Features